it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
