Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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