You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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