Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
