trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
third nipple confirmed
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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