RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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