I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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