dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
