At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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