did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
