He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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