Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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