Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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