What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
