Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
whose parrot is this?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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