Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
