I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
