No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize