I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
