is your mom at the bar?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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