That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
