yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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