ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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