Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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