i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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