Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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