...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize