I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
