he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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