you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
