So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
