dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
They took my balls.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
