There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Dicks are not precious.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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