God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
