sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Randomize
