hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
