I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize