I am puke
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
