In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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