You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
