you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
