I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize