She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
