i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
