sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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