Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
