and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
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