Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
