I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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