Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
