Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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