Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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