OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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