My nipple is on Facebook.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
