we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
