This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
3pm strippers are depressing
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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