My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
