sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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