32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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