dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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