she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
