I can't watch pbs sober anymore
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Then you guys just all showered together...?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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