I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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