Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
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