if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
