I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
