we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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