woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
