I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
