we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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