Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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